The problem with perfection
We are surrounded by perfection. Be it on poster-boards, TV shows, TV adverts and of course all over social media. We see the perfect house, lifestyle, diet, body, fashion, skin, hair …. everything, and it is only natural to notice the difference between all that we see and ourselves.
In this post I am mainly thinking about our bombardment with perfection on social media as this is the most pervasive.
I think we all know why being constantly exposed to perfection is problematic, but I think we all need to be constantly reminded of the following:
Viewing perfection breeds discontent. It is only natural that we compare the perfect images we see with ourselves. This breeds discontent with what we have as we unpick and scrutinise our lives under a magnifying glass.
We set ourselves lofty goals. We start to make it our goal to attain the perfection we see around us for ourselves. Be that the perfect body, skin, work-life balance, family relationships … the list is endless. The problem is, these goals are often unattainable because…
The perfection we are constantly bombarded with is not real! Nobody has perfection! Perfection is an illusion! This therefore means that no matter how hard we try, we can never attain the perfection we aim for - the goal is too far fetched.
Your goal-posts for perfection move! If your goal is perfection in any aspect of your life, you will find that your goal moves! You may be moving towards your perfect goal, but as time passes the goal shifts to even greater perfection still. You may not even notice this happening.
Seeking perfection can paralyse. The gap between where we are now and the perfection we aspire to can appear so great that it is paralysing, stopping any progress at all and perhaps even leading to behaviours that set you off in the other direction.
Our mental health suffers. Of course our mental health suffers if we are constantly struggling with who we are and unrealistic goals for who we want to be.
Our physical health can suffer. Stress of any kind, including due to poor mental health, impacts our physical health. On top of this, if your goals are forcing you to put too many demands on your body, for example you are exercising like there’s no tomorrow, restricting calories, working all hours to boost your new start-up etc, your physical health will suffer in some way or another.
I am sure you can think of more ways the perfection we are constantly exposed to is unhelpful at the least and deadly at the worst.
So what to do? Become a hermit cut off from society in a mountain hut? Tempting…but on second thoughts maybe not.
Here are some strategies I employ to try to protect myself from the unrealistic perfect world we are all exposed to, and to support my own goal making and achieving:
I take care over who, and what hashtags, I follow on social media. If for example I find my social media post is filling up with things that are making me feel bad about myself or my life, I unfollow. I know many people struggle with this (FOMO), but cleaning up your feed removing unhelpful content is your way of taking control of some of the messages you are getting fed.
I limit social media time, especially first thing in morning and last thing at night. Personally, I find I am most impressionable first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Therefore I (mostly - it is hard!) resist viewing social media first thing and last thing in the day.
I look after real life relationships. Real life is not on your phone or in netflix, it is out there beyond your devices! Connecting with real people helps keep me grounded.
I am kind to myself. I know life can be tough and that I am doing my best. I watch my internal narrative and try to weed out negative thoughts about myself, and breed positive thoughts. We are all living our own reality created by our internal dialogue, so I try to make mine a good one!
I give myself praise! I really like to be praised (who doesn’t?), but praise is not always that forthcoming from others! So I praise myself - why not!? This is often in my mind, but if you see me walking along giving myself a gentle pat on my back, I am not seeing to an itch! I am literally giving myself a well done pat!
I try to define my goals and to make them realistic. Being realistic with goals is hard and it takes a bit of thinking. It can help to write the goal down, and to actually define it - what would your goal actually look like. This then allows you to make realistic goals, see the progress you make and stops your goal shifting.
I try to enjoy the journey. If a goal involves misery to get there, I am pretty sure I am not going to make it! I need to make sure the journey is enjoyable.
Of course, social media is not all bad. For example I get a lot of inspiration from social media, and also seeing others succeed or do great things can be hugely motivating. But being aware of all the above is important too.
Nourish yourself every day x
Fabia
